How is it I have come to move almost 6,000 miles from where I was born? Where I have lived for over 5 decades, to move to a foreign country and one that is in war!
The simplest and shortest answer is God. However, I know that leaves a lot of room for interpretation and a lot of questions. If I tried to tell all of this at once, I think I could write a book. So, I’m going to break it down and not for sure at this time how long it will take to get there, but I promise it won’t take years, as this has all been in the grand plans that would take years and decades to bring about…. to now.
When my husband passed away in 2020 it would be the longest, hardest, darkest, road of my life. He had been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia, AML and would fight for 21 months. He never asked why, nor did he complain about the diagnosis. With that diagnosis, I acquired the added title of caregiver, along with wife, helpmate and couple, mom, grandma and so many more. Anyone who has gone through a life altering sickness or disease will understand what I write here is just the tip of an iceberg of what actually takes place in these circumstances. For the last 6 months of his life, I was a fulltime caregiver. Our days were filled with Dr appointments, lab work, infusions, constant communication with various doctors regarding new medications, pain management, bone marrow biopsies. Dan had a stem cell transplant in 2019 and was considered 100% donor cells, however the cancer would return in December of 2019. For the last 6 months he was on a regiment of over 20+ different types of medication daily. Some would be given 2, 3 or 4 times a day. Some medication could interact with another one he was taking. Some could actually suppress his respiration if taken together. This could be catastrophic, as the last chemo had damaged his lung, and he was on oxygen. The hospital stays were numerous and usually days, if not weeks. Toward the end he was sick of the hospitals. His first stay in August 2018, would be 29 days. We received the diagnosis on a Thursday evening, as we were called in for an unscheduled appointment. He would enter the hospital the next day to start a treatment of 7+3. As the doctor was explaining this type of chemo, he went on to say “if he makes it through……” he was still talking, but I heard nothing. I stopped him and asked what he just said, if he makes it through? That is what he had said. AML is aggressive. Many never make it to treatment. Some make it to treatment, but not through it. Some make it to treatment, through it, but do not go into remission. However, God allowed Dan to go through treatment and into remission. This would begin the 21-month journey.
21 months, 837 days is all we had left together, and we didn’t know. He could have never been diagnosed, he could have not made it through the initial chemo, he could have not gone into remission, he could have not made it through the meningitis, the blood infection, c-diff, other infections, the relapse…. but he did. Many nights as he lay in a hospital bed, I was there in a recliner, a couch or a pull out something to sleep on. Many days filled with whatever he needed. Just to go to the bathroom was an ordeal. He would be hooked up to a blood pressure cuff, 02 monitor, heart monitor at times, oxygen at times, IV’s….take it all apart, get him to the bathroom, put it all back together. One night he started running a temperature that kept going up. They started with Tylenol, and then progressed to the point of no sheets or blankets and placing iced filled bags under his arms. That is the one time he complained. He was shaking uncontrollably and was cold, and yet almost 104 temperature. Finally, after hours of working to get the fever down, it would break around 5 a.m. That morning his doctor would come in around 6 a.m. asking what had gone on through the night and was scheduling a bone marrow biopsy that day. Little to no sleep, I did not respond as kindly as I could have when it came to saying no, he is not doing anything today. Another title I acquired because of Dan’s illness was advocate. I have the utmost respect for doctors. They go to school for years, dedicated to their patients, I know not all…. however, we were blessed overall to have outstanding doctors who cared. In saying all of that, I was still his wife, I was the one with him 24/7, I knew him, what motivated him and what would cause him to shut down. I am digressing for a moment. Recently I was talking with a friend whose husband was injured. He is in pain and on high doses of pain medication. You cannot think straight in those situations. I advised her to step in some to help where she sees sound decisions are not being made. Before Dan began his 1st chemo, the hospital sent someone to ask about a living will. Dan and I discussed it, he made his wishes known. I would never have to make certain decisions out of emotions, he made them.
So how did I get to Ukraine? I will continue another day and will get to the point of where I am now, living in Odesa, Ukraine.
