Recently I stopped to get gas and placed my bank card in the card reader. I followed the instructions and it said to take my card out. I tried to pull the card out and it did not budge, I then tried with a little more gusto, and it was still telling me to take my card out, but to no avail. I looked for a cancel button, a clear button…. anything to disengage my bank card…. nothing. Finally, I had no choice but to go into the store and tell them what is going on. The next thing I know there is a manager coming out to the pumps to see what the problem is. As she tried to pull the card out, there is a lock icon that is lit up, I showed that to her. After several tries, she had to call her boss. She walked around the pump. went back inside and shuts the pump off at the breaker. The pump, lights back up and goes through all sorts of screens and finally the lock icon is not lit up and she is able to get my card out. For reasons beyond my comprehension, my card had become bound inside of the card reader. It was not coming out until there was the reset.
I have been attending a 12-week trauma class. When I learned of this course my thoughts were, this would be another tool to help those in Ukraine. For me, I thought I have been in counseling and have worked through so many of the hardships in my life that I would learn new skills, once again…for Ukraine. Week by week we built upon a foundation and as we worked through it the Holy Spirit began to work in my life, in an area that I didn’t even realize I was harboring unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is brought on by a hurt, whether real or perceived. Withholding forgiveness doesn’t hurt them, it hurts me. The other person does not change because of my unforgiveness.
Because of the trauma class I was able to understand forgiveness more than ever. It does not mean you are letting the offender off the hook; it is not (if this applies) letting the abuse to continue; it is not manipulating the situation to avoid pain. Forgiveness is a process, an act of the will, not a one-time event and forgiveness does not start with feelings, but it does end with a feeling of relief and freedom.
Why do we forgive?
We forgive because it is a God like characteristic, Psalm 86:5. We forgive because as a Christian it is part of our calling, II Corinthians 5:18-20. Unforgiveness blocks God’s blessing to me and others, Matthew 16:19. Forgiveness breaks the cycle of abuse and retaliation, Hebrews 12:15. Matthew 16:19b “…and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” as the instructor was explaining this it was if a light bulb went off. When the gas pump locked my card, it was bound, nothing I could do to loose it. It would take a reset of the power to release the card. When I hold onto unforgiveness I am binding up or holding on to a hurt and I am connected to the other person because of the unforgiveness. God never forces His will on anyone, including His children. In the Garden of Eden, He gave Adam and Eve a freewill to choose, just like me and you today. In holding onto or binding up the unforgiveness, God does not work in my heart or the heart of the offender. How does that change? Once again it is an act of the will, it is an act of obedience. The example that was used was Saul of Tarsus and Stephen in the book of Acts. Saul did many cruel things to Christians; he was known for having them killed. Stephen was speaking to a group of people who became enraged by his words. The Bible says Saul was consenting unto Stephen’s death, Saul even held the coats of those who were stoning Stephen, and as he was being stoned, he says: “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.” Stephen could have cried out in anger and pain, instead he forgave them, he did not bind up the people with unforgiveness, instead he loosed any chains, by offering forgiveness. In that forgiveness, in that “whatsoever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” this would lead to Saul having an encounter with the Lord, and the Lord restoring a broken, lost Saul to a forgiven child of God, whose name would become Paul.
The takeaway for me, forgiveness is worth it. It means, I can release the other person, place boundaries around myself and allow the Lord to work in my heart and theirs. Sometimes, forgiveness requires more than one act, like peeling back an onion, layer by layer.