Defining Moments

Many of us have a before and after, moments in time that separates how we live our lives.

As a child, we start school, some anticipate, becoming a teenager with the privilege to drive. Others just want to finish high school and get out in the real world, maybe off to college, Vo-tech or to work. As we continue thru life there may come a day that we marry and maybe then start a family. Along the way we may face sickness, disease, loss of a job, moving, financial hardship or bankruptcy. We may have loved ones who fall into addictions, relationships that become broken or may seem severed. We face death or the death of a loved one.

Often times I say, I am not a theologian, no Bible degree, just a widow woman who strives to please my Abba. Part of pleasing Him is knowing Him, through His word. When I think about Psalm 23:4 “Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” I imagine there is more than one application for this verse. However, this is what the Lord brought to mind today…. walking through the valley of the shadow of death, that phrase brought up these thoughts.

1. The shadow. A shadow appears when there is light and an object. Walking toward Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, He is the light.
2. The object, cancer. I think of my husband during the time he had cancer. I walked through this time with Dan. He told me, he was not afraid to die but was afraid of the process. Even when he was mere hours away from complete healing, stepping into eternity the enemy would come and try to steal away his peace. Walking though that valley with Dan, I was not afraid. I knew my Father was right there with us and fully trusted in Him and all the promises He offers from His word.
3. There is another object, war. I now live in Odesa, Ukraine. War is all across this country. In some parts it is very pressing, the enemy is right there, trying to come in and take away…. everything. Other parts of the country, it is not as pressing and yet the effects are evident. On a daily basis, somewhere in Ukraine there is fighting, there are bombs exploding, EVERY DAY. At this time where I am, on a regular basis there are air raid alarms and there are explosions. But once again, I am not afraid.

Before my first trip to Ukraine in January 2023, talk about a step of faith. As I talked with the Lord, I ask Him, Now I am coming back home, right? Yes. As I thought about the question, I then asked, Now, I’m coming back home alive, right? Yes. This led to another question: Now, I’m coming back home, alive…. but will I be whole, in one piece, no problems? Yes! At that time, I needed my Father’s assurance. Even as a bomb would go off behind me, it did not phase me as I KNEW what my Father had said, I would: return home, safe and whole. The Lord gave me a verse before I came to Ukraine, and I still cling to it today.

Isaiah 41:13 “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

When Dan became sick and could no longer drive, I did 99% of the driving. When someone is told they have cancer, that is unfavorable, life changes, it becomes a defining moment. While driving, I would reach out my right hand to him and was being prepared for a verse that I’m sure I had read before, but now…. the meaning is oh so different. Holding Dan’s hand, brought security, it was love, it was…. “Everything is going to be okay”. Now, when I walk out of my apartment, when I am at the grocery store, out and about wherever, I do not walk alone, my Father has my right hand and He brings security, love and says, “Everything is going to be okay”.

When I moved to Ukraine in January 2024….my goodness, talk about life before and after, I did not ask the Lord this time, will I be, okay? By this point, the Lord had taught me, stretched me, grown my faith and the need to know that answer is no longer. The reason that I no longer need that answer is because, I know beyond any doubt I am in the center of God’s will for my life and being in the center of His will brings much peace. I also know that NOTHING will come to me without going through my Father’s hands first. So if it is allowed, there is a purpose and plan, that is far above my thoughts or ways. So believing in faith, I am not afraid here.

Defining moments, we all have them. Some are anticipated with happiness and fill our hearts with joy, some blindside us and cause concern, despair and break our hearts. In those defining moments, what do we do afterwards? How do we respond, how do we move forward? For me, I cling to my Abba, I look to His word, and I recall a lesson Dan learned and then taught me.

Seek God’s Face, Seek His Presence, Not His Hand, Not His Provision.

When things start becoming cockeyed and wonky, my spirit is troubled I know where I need to go. Stop everything, I am doing and: get alone with the One who gives me and sustains my peace, the one who loves me beyond measure, the one who has walked beside me in the darkest parts of my life, at times carrying me through when I had no strength, the one who has taken my broken heart and healed it. He is the One….my Abba, who happens to also be the Creator of all we see.

Another defining moment. I used to view God through a lens where I believed He was just waiting for me to mess up, waiting for me to not do or be……and when I messed up, He was ready to shoot down arrows to get me. There would be a point after Dan went home to Heaven that I became angry with God. Now I knew I wasn’t supposed to be angry with God, because surely that has to be a sin, right? As I reached out to a mentor, not knowing what to do with this anger he wisely said: “I have heard many Christians say that are angry with God, but I have never heard one say, they are angry with their Father.” LIGHT BULB MOMENT! In that moment, I realized I was viewing God wrong. See my Father is for me, my Father loves me, my Father has my back. If something comes into my life that is hard, it’s okay, He is purging out the junk and brining about a vessel that honors Him.

We may not get to choose our defining moments, but we do get to choose our response. That day, May 4, 2020, that day when Dan was completely healed from cancer and sin, I had a choice. I could curl up in a ball and hide physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. There were moments, where I did all of that but overall, the choice to move forward, not get past……you NEVER get past a great loss, but you can move forward, by God’s grace…. which those two words, God’s grace…. an entirely different, amazing, an overwhelming amount of joy as we begin to understand His grace…. for another day.

Look Up, Keep Serving Jesus, He Is Worthy!