When I think of a “fine line” I think of a road, where there is a line that divides two cars with the goal of keeping them from colliding. I think of a ribbon that is held across a track where runners are focused on the goal of crossing that line first and sometimes in a marathon to cross the line at all.
In a current devotional I am reading the writer is one who has scaled Mt Everest, not too many folks can say they have done that. He knows and applies scriptures in a way that includes his experiences of life, his mountain climbing training, ascending to the top of Mt Everest and then his descent. As he was describing the moments he was on top of the world and it was time to leave, he was struck with snowblindness. I had never heard of this. Apparently, it happens when the cornea is sunburned. The writer said the day before he had a goggle malfunction, which led to exposure to the sun. He says with snowblindness everything is bright white and painful and compares it to breaking potato chips and putting them in your eyelids. Typically, this is temporary for a few hours, but his would last for over a month.
This man is alone, on the top of the world, knowing he has limited time to get back down and now has snowblindness. He immediately dropped down and grabbed his rope to access the situation. He began the descent with deliberate steps, he would lean into his military training that reminded him NOT to panic. A fine line of holding it together or absolutely losing it. As he continued his descent down, he states he felt a presence around him, like a friend being in the same room, you close your eyes, but you still know the other person is there. At the end of the devotion there was a question posed: Describe a time you became paralyzed by a situation. How did you get through it?
Wow, I thought to myself, what in the world could compare to that? I cannot imagine the emotions, his thoughts. Then I was reminded of a time in my life, where there was a fine line that seemed to hang over my head, in my thoughts. The line between sanity and insanity. Have you ever been there? Have you ever thought, I’m not going to make it through this situation, these circumstances, this road is just too dark, too heavy, too much to bear?
In my mind’s eye I go back to a particular weekend after Dan went home. Time at that point was just blank……I’m’ not for sure if it was 2 months, 3 months, 4 months after his homegoing. I remember how in my spirit I was so unsettled, my mind was racing and nothing I did seemed to calm my body or mind. I lived in a small apartment but was literally pacing the floor between my kitchen and living room. It’s as if I could see that fine line between sanity and insanity coming closer and I wasn’t sure which side I was going to land on. I was facing a life that had been turned upside down, plans, goals, dreams all gone……not able to see beyond the pain, the hurt, the mourning. I called a friend, Tammy, just to hear another person’s voice, of course I am not going to tell her what was happening, but over the course of the conversation I would share some of what I was dealing with, and she gave me words of wisdom and pointed me back to the only One who could help me.
We finished our conversation, and I had a choice to make. I could have easily crossed that fine line and “checked out” in my mind that day. Instead, I dropped to my knees and once again cried out to God. There were things I had picked back up, to take control of, to have what I though was some stability, some security…… only, to once again learn that load was not meant for me to carry alone.
Matthew 11: 28- 30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
1/2 lies are also 1/2 truths. Was I hurting? Yes. Would that level of pain last forever? No. In my mind, I thought nothing would ever change. I would live under the crushing load of mourning, sorrow and grief. These are lies. The truth is, there was mourning, there was sorrow and there are still times, moments of grief, but not as before. The truth is, when we surrender our lives back to Jesus and yoke up with Him, it is much easier to walk this life with healing, with peace and with joy.
The older I get the more I understand how crucial it is to keep the right frame of mind. As a child of God, He has told us in His word,
Romans 12:16 “ Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.”
Ephesians 4:23 “And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;”
Philippians 2:5 “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:”
Isaiah 26: 3-4 “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.4 Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:”
II Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
My Bible app says the word “mind” is used over 23,000 times. It must be important for that word to be used so much. Something I have learned in the recent past is what I allow in my mind, those negative, toxic thoughts, would I speak those thoughts to someone else? No, I wouldn’t, so if I won’t say them to someone else, I need to stop allowing them in my mind. As much grace as I give to others, I need to give to myself. When I look at someone else and give them grace for may be unkind words they have said, I may think……. that is out of character for them, they are under a lot of pressure, they are hurting and yet I will allow those same words to run amuck in my mind. Why? Because for some twisted reason, I am supposed to be above that, which is actually pride. I am to never fail, that sounds ridiculous as I write it. All too often, we look at others and give them something that we do not allow for ourselves.
We need to guard what we allow into our minds, what we see, what we hear. We need to limit how much of the world gets inside our thoughts. How is that achieved? One, studying our Bible…….I stopped reading my Bible quite a while back, I now study. Talking to our Friend, our Father, the Creator, spending time in prayer. Listening to music that lifts and encourages our spirit, not fills us with the world. Have a core group of friends that point you to Jesus and encourages you in those days where you need a boast. Remember, the battle is already won, it is finished……we are merely walking days until eternity.
Look Up, Keep Serving Jesus, He is Worthy!