I Am a Failure

While in morning devotions, that thought flooded my mind. I am a failure. How can that be? I have left all I know, I have moved to a foreign land to serve the Lord, I am striving to follow Him every day and yet, “I am a failure” is what invaded my thoughts.

Recently I listened to a message from a preacher I had never heard of. A dear friend, sent me a name to which I Googled and followed to YouTube. On YouTube he had many, many messages, the one I clicked on was entitled: Draw Near to God, little did I know how the Lord would use this message.

James 4:8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

The sermon had 5 points, but the one I will focus on today is: Move from Condemnation to Conviction. I know satan is the father of lies. His number one goal is to keep people Hell bound and if he doesn’t succeed at that, such as my case, he then wants to destroy my testimony, my peace, my joy. He wants me to live under condemnation, so I am not effective for the Kingdom of God. I know in the past I have lived under this condemnation, but that is contrary to what Jesus has for His children. In this life, I am going to have trials, setbacks, hardships and failures so I must learn to discern what is condemnation and what is conviction.

• Condemnation comes from satan and is general such as: I am a failure, I am a bad person, I am messed up.
• Condemnation attacks my identity.
• Condemnation leaves me hopeless: I will never get better; I will never change.
• Condemnation leads to remorse.

• Conviction comes from the Holy Spirit and is specific, He will highlight: an act, a word, a behavior, an attitude.
• Conviction attacks my issue.
• Conviction always gives me hope.
• Conviction leads to repentance.

The example used: I haven’t read my Bible in a while. Condemnation says, you are a loser. Conviction says, you haven’t read in a few days, pick it up again, start today. Condemnation says, what’s the point, I am just a sinner. Conviction says, I am a righteous person who has fell into sin now get up, repent, run to God, turn to Him.

Isaiah 1:18-19 “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. ¹⁹ If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land:”

Today when the thought entered my mind, I am a failure, it made me feel as if nothing I do matters, that I am useless, what is the point if all I am ever going to amount to, is a failure. However, thank God I recognized the lie from satan. I am not a failure, I may fail at tasks, but that is not my identity. I am a daughter of the King, I am His, therefore I am righteous because of the blood of Jesus, I am a joint-heir, I am a child of God. My hope lies in the one who gave His life for me. John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

How many, many times have I not recognized where the guilt and shame has come from. This is a daily battle, where drawing near must become an intentional act. If we are not intentional, then we drift…. drifting never leads to the right place. We have read about people swimming in the ocean and if not paying attention, they drift into a dangerous place. As we intentionally draw near to the Lord, we begin to discern condemnation verses conviction, we also must confess and not conceal sin. Once sin is confessed then accept grace to not carry guilt and know we do not wait on feeling God’s presence but instead we are to be fed from God’s word. When I do these things, then my relationship grows with my Abba, it deepens, the relationship becomes intimate and I know I can tell Him anything and there is no guilt or shame, there is grace, there is mercy, there is love.

Look Up, Keep Serving Jesus, He is Worthy!