Physical Reactions to Internal Turmoil

Recently I went through several days of being unsettled in my spirit with things that were pressing and weighing heavy on my heart and mind. I know I cannot be the only person who has ever felt this way. Circumstances and thoughts that seem to grab and hold our attention such as: children, marriage, job, finances, health, whatever it is that looks like a mountain that you cannot get around, that you cannot scale.

As a Christian I know I am to see those things differently as many times the pressing matter is not an eternal matter. You have probably read or heard something along the lines of: Is what you are going thru today, will it matter in a week, a month, a year from now and if the answer is no, then it probably isn’t worth the emotions that are being spent and the mind space it is occupying. It is easy to say those things but not near as easy to live it.

There was a day that started out okay, not great, not wonderful, but okay…..doable…..until. Then from that point on in the day, it went downhill fast. So what do you do? I started praying, I can’t fix these things. I am seeking the Lord and asking what are you trying to show me, what lesson do I need to learn? I am in tears as the emotions are overwhelming with frustration. I am just at the point of a total meltdown; Have you been to that place before?

Because I have been at this intersection of “What is going on?” and “Lord Where are you?” I should know and remember how to walk through this again, responding with the “right” spirit. Now I’m beating myself up because I think and believe I should know how to walk thru this. I have faith; I don’t want my faith to waiver and yet for days my spirit was stirring inside me, causing not only mental anguish but physical problems also.

Why is that? Is my faith not strong enough? I must not believe what God says, is so, I am doubting God? I know, I’m just not good enough there must be some hidden sin that I’m not confessing, there is something wrong with me. That day had a very different ending. I had gone to an appointment and when I came home, I was totally spent, feeling so defeated in my spirit, mind, heart and body. It is then when the Lord stepped in, via a message and then a phone call. He used those avenues to remind me, He has not forgotten me, He sees me, and He will meet my needs. I thanked my Abba for being faithful and oh so patient and then asked Him, Why? Why does it seem I have to go to almost meltdown mode? Do I not have enough faith? Am I not waiting long enough? Why?

The next day the Holy Spirit began to take me on a journey in each Gospel highlighting the time of the Passover until the soldiers came to take Jesus away. Each account told the same story, some went into more details about this part or that part. One thing I found fascinating is John’s account. While in the upper room Johns account is the most detailed, it was as if John was hanging on to every word Jesus spoke…..no wonder he was called the beloved. Once they left the upper room they would go to the Mount of Olives where Jesus would have his disciples sit, except for Peter, James and John. They followed on to a certain spot where Jesus would instruct them to sit, watch and pray. Jesus walked on further into the garden and then this is where the Holy Spirit showed me something that even though I have read these passages before, I began to understand the answer to my question I asked earlier, Why.

Mark 14:34 “And saith unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death: tarry ye here, and watch.”

Matthew 26: 37-38 “And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy. Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.”

Luke 22: 44 “And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.”

In the Strongs Concordance the word "agony" is G74, which comes from G73, which is derived from a primary verb, G71.                                                                                                                              G74: a struggle for victory, wrestling, of severe mental struggles and emotions.                                                                                                                                        G73: a place of assembly, the place of contest, generally, any struggle or contest, a battle.
G71: to lead by laying hold of, and this way to bring to the point of destination.

As Jesus was going to pray, He knew what lie ahead. He had a destination, he was in a battle, a struggle of emotions, for victory for all mankind. That inward struggle produced a physical reaction.

If Jesus, who was 100% man and yet 100% God, which we cannot completely understand, if He had physical reactions to what was happening internally……granted I am not facing the weight He did, but if He had those physical reactions, then how can I not have them also. Now I see……Yes, I have peace that I am in God’s perfect will for where I am today. I have peace knowing that my Abba has guided me along this new chapter of life and yet there are times when pressures become great and try as I may, my body reacts in a way that I don’t want it to. I now see, it is not a lack of faith, it is not necessarily a lack of patience. if I had unconfessed sin, the Holy Spirit would have shown me, it has nothing to do with my goodness, because in me there is nothing good, but in Christ, I am righteous because of what followed after his time in the garden in prayer.

Lies are whispered all the time. That is why daily, we are to put on the whole Armour of God, we are to renew are mind daily with the Word, we are to walk in the Spirt. Knowing at times the pressing down will be hard, it can cause physical pain and reaction, but Jesus gave us the example of how to walk through it.

In Romans 5, the Apostle Paul said that he gloried in tribulation because he understood tribulation would work patience which gave experience, which brought hope, and that hope did not bring shame. The book of Philippians was written by the Apostle Paul. The theme of the book is joy. Joy……..which is so ironic as Paul was in prison. How does one glory in tribulations, how does one write about joy and say I am content while being in prison? The only answer: God, God Almighty, Jesus as Lord and Saviour, the Holy Spirit dwelling inside.

While writing this, I realized, it is something I could not have shared last week as I didn’t understand it. Today I thanked my Abba for the outcome, I thanked Him that He is teaching me how to see that trials come for a purpose. It is not easy walking thru them, but we can, through Christ, with the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us, directing us, leading us, comforting us. In Luke 22:42 it says that an angel came from Heaven to strengthen Jesus, that part of his humanity. Jesus left the Holy Spirit for me and for you, for those who have been born into the family of God.

Take heart the next time a trial comes, because it will……oh but one day there will be no more trials, but until then, look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, knowing that even He had agony, turmoil, and sorrow. He understands!

Look Up, Keep Serving Jesus, He is Worthy!